Em and Sam's Random Adventure
by Random Irken Derp
Summary: (Warning: Sucky summary and story!) Emma and Sam are two insane Invader Zim fangirls that have come to help Zim with his mission. Rated T for Violence language and randomness. This story has been rated for no one. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! 0 0


Em and Sam's Random Adventure

Sam randomly appeared in Zim's secret underground base. Why? Because this is how the story goes! Sam wore a white I 3 1D sweatshirt with dirty dark blue jeans. Her hair was dark red and very short. A gun appeared in her hands randomly as she heard something skitter around in the darkness. Shaking with fear she didn't hesitate to take her shot. The blast echoed through the metal room followed by an ear-piercing scream as the mysterious target dropped to the floor dead.

As Sam's eye's adjusted she saw the now fully recognizable figure she had shot. It was Zim. "D-did I just do that?!" she suddenly screamed. "No! How could I do this?! Em's gonna kill me! We need him alive!" As if responding to her cries a strange cloud of magical dust covers the deiced alien. The dust subsided revealing Zim on his feet wide-awake with all wounds fully healed. Zim looked around confused for a second. "Eh… What just happened?" he asked. " I don't know! I'm just a horrible person!" Sam broke down sobbing on the floor.

"You retched human bitch!" a voice screamed. The two turned to see Sam's best friend Emma standing in the doorway. Her blonde hair draped over her shoulders that were covered by a bright green Gir jacket. Tears formed in her eyes as she ran to Zim hugging him tightly. "Why would you do that?!" she screamed as Zim cringed in fear. "I don't know!" Sam screamed back. "Why do you think I was crying?!" Sam held the gun to her head blowing her head off. The magic dust returned and brought the girl back to life. She hugged Gir as he walked in to the base to see what happened.

"Aww. She likes me." Gir beamed. Sam smiled at the robot's cute randomness. "Let's go make a cake lady!" he squeaked. Gir dragged Sam out to the kitchen leaving Emma and Zim alone. "Let go of me!" Zim yelled after a moment of silence. "You smell like human!" "But I love you." Emma beamed disregarding Zim's order. Zim struggled but the grip of a fan girl is strong.

After awhile Sam came back. "The cake's done." She called. She stared at Zim trying everything to escape and slowly backed out of the room. "LET GO!" Zim yelled as he finally broke free. "Oh shit." Emma ran like hell with an aggravated Zim at her heels.

Sam eventually returned to see Zim looking over a strange device while Emma lay strapped to an examination table. "Hey." She said casually. "Gir burnt the cake. And it tasted like mashed potatoes." Emma giggled. "Well that's Gir for you. Oh about earlier I forgive you for accidentally killing my boyfriend now can you please get me out of here before I get a squid brain in my head?" Emma asked/pleaded. Sam smiled and pressed the giant red release button next to her.

"Hey!" the girls turned to see Zim glaring at them. Sam ran as Zim chased her around the base throwing squids at her. "Aw fuck." Emma muttered under her breath. "Ok Zim I love you but you stay the hell away from my friend!" she tackled Zim to the ground as Gir cheered from the sidelines.

They struggled until Emma got a hold of Zim's squid launcher and tossed to her bestie. "He's all yours Sam but please go easy on my little Zimmy" Emma smiled and laughed with Gir as Sam chased Zim hurling live squid at his little green head.

"Wait. How did you humans get in my base?" Zim asked as he dodged another squid. "I let them in." Gir beamed. "Why would you do that Gir?!" Zim yelled as he got hit in the face with a squid. "The short one had cookies." Gir pointed at Sam who was cheering about her bull's-eye. "Hey! Don't call me short!" she growled. "She is quite tiny" Zim said pulling the squid off his face. "If Emma didn't have a huge crush on you I'd kill you again." Sam sighed.

"Wait. Isn't Zim shorter?" Emma asked aloud. "Your jacket looks like me!" Gir cheered as he jumped on Emma's head and gnawed at the dog ear on her hood. Zim and Sam stood back to back to measure. "Hey! He is shorter!" Sam cheered. "Am not!" Zim pouted childishly.

"On another topic GOD DAMNIT I WANT THAT JACKET" Sam yelled. Emma hissed and clutched her jacket. "Do you ever take that off?" Sam remarked. "I take it off… Sometimes." Emma said embarrassed. "Yes yes we all believe you." Zim smirked. "Shut up lettuce head!" she yelled back. "Please you're greener than me." Zim retorted. "Damnit! I hate when you're right. And so cute." Emma whispered dreamily.

"Gir's cute too." Sam argued. "But Zim is better!" Emma yelled back. She turned to see a sniffling Gir next to her. She couldn't take it. She scooped up Gir in her arms and cradled him like a baby. "I'm sorry Gir. I still like you. Have a cookie." Emma pulled a cookie out of her pocket and Gir instantly cheered up. "Wait if you think Zim is cuter why are you dressed like Gir?" Sam questioned. "Because Gir is the only thing in Hot Topic!" she cried. "GIR IS MORE POPULAR THAN ZIM?!" Zim yelled back at the girls apparently listening to their conversation. "I know and no one thinks it's weird! Gir is funny and all but you are the main character! It's called Invader Zim for fucks sake!" Emma screamed. "Then Zim should be the most respected!" "Exactly! Finally someone gets it! Plus you're 20% cuter anyways." Emma smiled. "Stop calling Zim cute." Zim growled.

"Where'd my cake go?" Gir asked out loud. "But it's true and I really hate when these pitiful human don't appreciate you for the amazing irken that you are." Emma complimented. Sam rolled her eyes at her friend's suck up skills. "Did anyone else notice Gir's cake disappeared?" Sam asked changing the subject. Emma looked around the room for the cake but found nothing. "It fricken teleported!" the group gasped. "We must go on an amazing and dangerous quest to find Gir's cake!" Emma announced. "But I'm too lazy. Gir go out and find your cake." she ordered. Gir ran out of the base cheering leaving the others in silence.

"Well at least now I only have to deal with one psycho green dog here." Zim glared at Emma. "I love you too Zimmy." She smiled. Sam face palmed and put on a random Zim costume. "But now you have to deal with yourself." Zim gave her a confused look. "Gimme that cosplay!" Emma yelled as she tackled her best friend to the floor. "Never!" she screamed back. She pulled out her ipod and played 'What Makes You Beautiful' by One Direction at full volume. Zim gripped his head in pain and sank to his knees. "What is that horrid noise?!" he screamed over the song. "Well fuck you too Zim!" Sam yelled back.

Emma shoved her Gir headphones over her ears and played her Evanescence playlist until the song was over. "How many things do you have shaped like my robot?" Zim asked but actually not wanting to hear the answer. "Uh. Three necklaces, three bracelets, five no six t-shirts, slippers, a make-up kit, a key chain…" Emma continued to ramble of her collection with Zim getting more skittish with every object listed. "…And a mood ring." Emma finally finished. "Holy crap!" Sam shouted. "Where did you get all that stuff? I want it!" she whined. "I'm not sure if you can get it anymore. EVEN GIR IS DISAPEARING FROM HOT TOPIC!" Emma screamed breaking down into tears. Debra and Gir joined her, as Zim only stood there confused.

"I hate this world!" Emma bawled. "Zim just destroy it already!" "Uh…. ok." Zim walked off to get his death robot army as the girls stopped crying. "I predict he shall fail." Sam thought aloud. "You're right Sam. Let's go kill Dib. That should help." Emma smiled. "That's a great idea!" Sam chimed in. "I'll get my chainsaw!" Emma cheered. "And I'll get my coleslaw!" Emma stared at her friend awkwardly. "For the party afterward." She explained. "Oh. Ok. I'll make some cupcakes then." Emma smiled. The girls cheered as they grabbed their weapons.

"We're coming Dib." Emma laughed insanely. "I'm surprised Zim never thought of this" she said. "If you're happy and you know it destroy the Dib." Sam sang. "In that case I'm exploding with joy." At those words Emma exploded and instantly came back. The girls stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before continuing on their way. "Alright let's do this." Emma and Sam turned into badasses as they walked into Dib's house.

"Who are you? What's going on and why does your jacket look like Zim's robot dog thing?" Dib questioned. "Are you really that clueless?" Sam asked. "Yes. Yes he is." Emma answered. "1. I'm Emma and this is Sam. Nice to meet you. 2. We're here to kill you and 3. Because Gir is adorable!" she shook the petrified boy's hand and held up her saw. Dib winced at the girls and bolted out the door. "God damnit! Why do they always run?" Emma complained. She sighed and revved up her chainsaw. "COME BACK HERE! MEATBAG!"

The girls chased Dib threw his house he dodged Emma's chainsaw by mere inches before got caught by Sam with the sword at his neck. "TELL US WHERE THE PRINCESS IS" Sam shouted at Dib. "What are you talking about?" Dib cried. "SHUT UP PEASENT!" "I'm not even going to ask." Emma said from the sidelines. "FOR NARNIA!" Sam screamed.

"Ok." Emma said awkwardly. "Sam, Did you get into Gir's cupcake stash again?" she asked. "Maybe." "I got the fun things from a squirrel." Gir appeared randomly holding a bottle of pills. "Fantastic. When did you get here anyway?" Emma asked. Gir giggled. "I don't know." "You're so adorable." Emma smiled. "Uh. Hey! I'm still here!" Dib yelled. "And I think your friend here is going insane!" he motioned to Sam who still had him pinned down with a sword at his neck. "I'M THE CUPCAKE NARNIA PRINCESS!" she screeched. "Yeah. You get used to it." Emma said casually.

"Wait, where's Zim? I thought he might want to see his mortal enemy get slaughtered by a psycho girl." She said. "I'm right here." Emma turned to see an annoyed Zim standing next to her. "Oh derp. I didn't see you there." She laughed. "I know right? He's so short!" Sam squealed. "I'M! NOT! SHORT!" Zim screamed. Emma rested her elbow on Zim's head. "You're so cute when you're angry." She giggled. Zim growled and shot Emma a death glare who only smiled. "PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS THAT ARE SOAKED IN VINAGER FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND WE ALL LIVE IN YELLOW SUBMARINES!" Sam randomly yelled. Emma Zim Gir and Dib just stared at her.

"What on Irk is wrong with that human?" Zim asked. Emma just shrugged. "What's happening!?" Dib screamed. "Just shut up and stop spazzing!" Emma growled. Dib kept his mouth shut the terror in his eyes increasing. "I'D LIKE TO BE UNDER THE SEA IN AN OCTOPUSES GARDEN IN THE SHADE!" Sam sang at the top of her lungs. Emma couldn't take anymore and slapped Sam. "Snap out of it!" she yelled. "I'm back." Sam announced as she regained her sanity. "Good because we still kind of have a job to do." Emma said motioning to Dib.

"Oh yeah." Sam said in a Gir like tone. She turned back to Dib holding the sword close to him with a menacing smile. "Zim? Would you do the honors?" Sam asked. Zim gave an evil grin and took the sword from the girl. "Goodbye Dib." Zim whispered. "It's been fun but don't come back." With that Zim drove the sword into Dib's neck. He screamed and begged for mercy before choking on his own blood and falling to the ground. Zim pulled the sword out of the human and stared at his work. There was a moment of silence before the girls and Zim screamed in unison "VICTORY FOR ZIM!" Zim gave the girls an awkward glance but smiled with them.

"Yay! Now give me back my sword." Sam held out her hand. "Fine." Zim growled handing it back to her. "Dib is really dead?" Emma asked with a fake tear in her eye. "You know what this calls for?" she asked Sam. "A PARTY!" they shouted together. "I brought Pokemon!" Sam yelled pulling out a pokeball. "Why do you have Pokemon?" Emma asked. "Just cuz. I CHOOSE YOU! PIKACHU!" Pikachu appeared in front of the group. Zim poked him until he got electrocuted. "I don't get it." Zim thought aloud as he tried to shrug off the pain. Sam dropped to the ground laughing until Emma grabbed her collar. "Do that again and I will kill you." She growled.

Later the girls we're back in Zim's base. Emma held up a butter knife and started to search with it. "What is she doing?" Zim asked Sam. "She's looking for a closed dimensional rip. A closed portal between dimensions. Emma quickly slashed through the air where a thin rip appeared in the middle of it. "Found one!" Emma shouted. Sam Zim and Gir came up to the rip and the girls slowly tore it open. As soon as it was wide enough hoards of ponies and internet memes flooded out.

"Come on Sam We got to save the internet from them!" Emma yelled. "Who?" Sam asked. "The barrels." Emma answered. Sam gasped. "Then we don't have much time."

She hopped on nyan cat and sped into the portal. Zim watched in awe and confusion as Emma prepared to follow her friend. "Hey Zim!" Emma called. Zim turned to face her and was met with a kiss. He felt the blood rush to his face as Emma let go and hopped on to Derpy. "Bye Zim! I love you!" Emma shouted as she was sucked into the portal just before it closed.

Zim stood in shock as all went quiet. "Aww. You two are so cute!" Gir squeaked. Zim blushed and bitch-slapped him as he walked out of the room. Gir only smiled and followed his master bugging him while they continued to destroy the planet.

The end

NOW GO TO BED!


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